Hello! I see you have found my website. Here I document my daily life as a blog. I really need to tell this to anyone. Because I literally can't tell this to anyone in real life because I am socially impaired.
Eriditus, I don't know how you found this, but whatever you do, do not tell anyone that you found it.
I really need to tell someone this. It's kinda hard to write this down, these are my best kept secrets, literally only I know this.
Okay, so I have a crush on Jerry. I don't know if I am gay or what, I think I might be.
This might suprise you Eriditus, I used to be suicidal, I'm not kidding. And do you know what caused it? Christianity, thats right. You want to know why I am Atheist? I was afraid, I thought that God was going to send me to hell, I am not ready to say why but that was the worst time of my life. I was so paranoid, I had this irrational fear that God was punishing me by showing everyone my thoughts. I didn't feel like I was living, or dead, somewhere in between. You will never feel as depressed as I was, I was so scared of what God would do to me, and I could not change it. And do you know what made me better? What stopped me from ending it all? Haha it was realizing that God was a complete fake. I felt so much better, so much happier.
I still struggle with depression sometimes.
I feel crazy and insane most of the time.
add me on torchat is you want to talk. unaw4b72tgle2uc [this is for anyone]
10:01 - Alright, enough with the personal depressing stuff.
Today is going to suck. My Grandparents and Aunt are coming over to stay the night. To tell the truth, I really don't like it when they come over. My Grandma and Aunt are always talking about their recent travels and my Grandpa always sits in my chair, which is the only spot in the house where I can safely do what I want on the internet. And to make things worse, my mom is dragging me and the rest of my family to a graduation party for someone I have never heard of.
Lately Jerry has been telling me that I am an amazing person, he appreciates me, he loves me, et cedera. *sigh* Eriditus can confirm that he tells that shit to everyone and he does not mean any of it. - 10:14
12:44- My Grandparents an aunt arrived. My grandparents gave me a 250 dollar check for graduating middle school! I feel really bad about what I said earlier. They're telling my mom about their Hawaii trip right now - 12:47
2:08 - Fuck I really don't want to go to that graduation party. I'm not kidding last time I went to a social gathering I almost had a nervous breakdown because I am so socially impaired. - 2:09
7:21 - The party actually was not that bad, there was a pond so I spent most of the time skipping rocks.
On the way home my parents stopped into dollar general to get a christian football movie, my two least favorite things in one movie.
A few minutes ago dad was watching a movie called sliding doors, and mom said to him, "you should put on something else, I have seen this movie and I don't think that it is appropriate for Omniscient". Me: [On pornhub gay] yeah dad you should put on something else. - 7:25
8:11 - the cringe is figuratively killing me - 8:11
9:01 - Today is the worst day of the week, fucking Sunday. Every Sunday at 10 am my parents drag me to Church [well not exactly drag because I can't protest because then they would find out that I am atheist] where the pastor preaches about how everyone but Christians are going to hell, you need to be saved, et cedera. I hate it when they say that atheists are the ones who need saving. They think that they are hearing the voice of an invisible, omniscient person in the sky who once commanded genocide, oppression of women, the killing of homosexuals, atheists, and much much more. And then they say that I need saving. No, they need to be tested for schizophrenia. - 9:06
12:20 - Thank God we did not go to church today! Instead we went to get haircuts which is preferable. Then we went to Walmart because Grandma wanted to get some stuff. While me and my brother were wandering around the store we saw Jerry, I ran and hid before he saw me. We also saw someone else from our school, and our school district is fairly far away from walmart. What are the chances of that?
Lately I have been thinking about suicide. Legends never die right Eriditus?
Starting to feel anxious about this blog. What if Eriditus finds it? I swear that bastard would tell everything on here to everyone if he did. - 12:33
4:35 - Had to go resteraunt with my family for mother's day, we did not stay long so it was not to bad. I found a juul in the parking lot but I could not take it because my mom was watching. - 4:37
6:51 - Fuck its Monday :(. I have a dentist appointment today as well ... FUCK. At least we only have three weeks left of school.
Feeling anxious, don't know why. I know that there is nothing to worry about but I can't help but feeling that there is. - 6:54
4:30 - I feel insane, I cut up my entire left arm today with a pencil. I don't even know why. It feels great though.
Had a dentist appointment after school, it was not that bad. - 4:33
6:25 - Fuck I cut myself some more. I hope that this does not become a problem. - 6:27
9:27 - Oh God ... I've started using my locksmith tools to cut my arm. - 9:27
3:56 - feeling much better today, told everyone I fell off my bike. I hope that was just a one day episode. - 59
5:42 Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. I did it again last night, I sliced my arm and cut 'God Hates Me' into my leg. I was just going to go to bed but then I saw the lockpick and I could not help it.
I accidentally swallowed some pen ink. I was sucking on my pen [its not that weird] and I accidentally sucked up some of the ink. You know like those cheap pens? Where the cartridge is not topped and it has the air holes on the top? It was one of those. I hope I don;t die.
At lunch someone was drinking 'Dr.Topper'. I was going to laugh but then everyone would ask why I thought it was funny. - 5:49
Feeling anxious about gym class. Cut up my leg and we have to change in the locker room. Can't really blame it on a bike crash.
7:20 - Gym went fine
Started talking to a guy on insta. How do you know when you are a bad conversationalist? When you use the fact that you are shit at icebreakers as an icebreaker and he replies "ok" - 7:26
aisfashfoahpfopofsicjfodos dpofjdpoacisj fpaoijsfpoa jopsfjs oapfjs opajfpodijapfjapsdjfspaojdfpau sudfhpaushfpaidsmfaasioupcainpisapodiufpmoisapmsoidfupaosdufpoaunpa OMFG Dad spent one hour yelling at me for questioning apologetics and Christianity. I had a mental breakdowwn while this was happening, I was going to grab a kitchen knife, go down to the basement and stab myself to death but I went on a bike ride to cool down.
Yesterday Was okay. Went to chess club, only brad and Mr.Webster were there. Had to go to fibs with my family for my grandparents 45th anniversary. Talked politics with my cousin who thinks that the government should not impose gun control laws because then veterans won't be able to use their semi-autos for target practice. I also got to sit next to my other cousin's hot boyfriend so that's neat. Then we went to my grandparents house for cake and I had an apple. My cousin's cousin lives next door so we played basketball over there. I skinned my knee on his driveway but I smoked him in 1-on-1.
Haha my school banned the use of the phrases, "hop off my meat", "hop on my meat"(ive never heard anyone say that, and "cheeks".
Started talking to a guy on insta, hes nice. We have been playing t or d for a few hours
Damn it's been a while since a updated this site.
Our class went to see the school's theater club's play so we got out of school for 1 hour.
I realize that I am most likely imagining thing but at the play my crush sat right next to me like he was almost leaning on me when there was plenty of room for him to go where he wants. During the show he kept talking and laughing in my ear. Also, my friend swfanatic, who almost always sits by me, sat a few feet away from us, which makes me think that maybe he knew something. *sigh* But I know that I am probably imagining things.
haha I'll be seeing you in hell Eriditus. We were planning out DnD campaign during Deutsch and his character is a paladin dragonborn who is the head of a cult that worships the death god in the game.
Going on a trip to the windy city for a chess tournament so thats neat.